Thinking Outside the Box

How many times do you give empty threats … how many times do you say the same thing? Even though we developed the Accountable Kids program, my husband and I are still trying to get this parenting thing right. Let's face it, parenting is tough! We do the best with what we have, and every day we try to raise accountable kids.

Lately we have had trouble getting the girls to go to bed quietly. The Privilege Pass was a great incentive to help our young kids develop a positive habit of going to bed, but now that our kids are 12, 10 and 8 we found ourselves in need of something more. We needed an "out of the box" solution.

Yesterday was a very busy day and dinner was late. I sent the girls up to bed. I told them I would clean up the kitchen and do the dishes, but I warned them that if they didn't go straight to bed I would have them come down and clean. Needless to say, I had to run upstairs several times to tell my girls to be quiet, settle down and get to sleep. One needed another drink, the other had to go to the bathroom and needed something in another room. Then I found them jumping on the bed and running around the room. They were wound up and having a great time while I finished all the dishes and cleaned the kitchen. I was tired and not in a good mood! I was full of empty threats and no consequences.

On the way up to their room, yet again, I realized that I was saying, “If I have to come up one more time and quiet you down, there will be a problem.” I realized that I was the one with the problem, not them. My problem was that I had not set a definite consequence for the behavior that was troubling me; I needed a consequence that was impactful.

I decided my “out of the box” solution was to put their energy to good use. I turned on the light and told the two girls who couldn’t settle down to get up. I didn’t get upset and did it in a pleasant, loving matter. I told them I was sorry they had made the choice, but if they were so energized, they could come downstairs and vacuum and fold laundry. They looked at me like I was crazy. Suddenly they were very tired. These were not easy jobs and took time to complete. When they were finished I told them I loved them, appreciated their work, thanked them, and was sorry that they chose not to go to bed. As they were wearily getting into bed I told them the floors still needed to be mopped if they still were not ready to sleep. They went to bed tired and quietly fell asleep.

The next day we discussed choices and consequences together as a family. We went over bedtime rules and the specific consequences for not following those rules. That night the girls went to bed and all was quiet. It felt great to know that if they chose to stay up the consequence would not be on me! This "out of the box" solution has brought peace once again to our evenings. It is just another reminder that It’s up to us, the parents, to set limits and enforce boundaries in a creative, respectful manner so that our children can learn important life lessons.

Do you have an "out of the box" idea? I would love to hear from you.

Gratitude

There is a great deal of negative energy in the world today - wars, riots, natural disasters, pain, suffering, anger, and hatred. Many of us are also facing huge challenges, obstacles or discomfort. At times we may feel overwhelmed and powerless because of what we see and experience. During these times we can see the world’s view or we can CHOOSE to accept a higher perspective. This can be done through the powerful lens of gratitude. Adopting this view can change everything.

Gratitude is the key to peace and serenity in your life. Gratitude is a magic key that opens your heart up to giving and receiving love. It involves being grateful for ALL things in your life, letting go, and experiencing the healing power of love in all situations.

Feel gratitude this day for your life and your abundance. This day, with all its seeming problem and difficulties, is absolutely perfect if viewed from a new perspective. Feel the joy of life, and view the wonders of your world.

The future is unsure, but this beautiful moment shines in radiant perfection, holding gifts and blessings that only can be experienced as you let go of how things ought to be and joyfully experience life just as it is this moment. The abundance and the joys of life are everywhere. They are often found in the small, simple things in life. Savor, appreciate and give thanks. Express gratitude and make it the way you live your life this day. Observe your experiences change as you give thanks in all things and for all things. Gratitude fuels love and love fuels gratitude. Write down your blessings, record your gratitude, and observe your day expand in joyful appreciation.

What are you thankful for today?

Towel off Excess Water Use

It is more and more common to see hotels encouraging guests to conserve water by re-using towels. Studies show that you can help a hotel conserve up to 40% of its water use by simply not having your sheets and towels changed every day.

I began wondering how I could bring this idea into my own home. I was struggling with an issue of wet towels on the floor. I was the daily maid responsible for picking up towels and then adding them to an ever growing laundry pile. If my kids couldn't find a towel, they just reached for a new, fresh towel adding more to my workload.

All this added up to more water, more electricity and more work for me due to my kids lack of responsibility. Our family came up with an idea that has solved the wet towel problem! Each week in our family meeting everyone picks out a new towel for the week. Our kids enjoy selecting a color and are learning to be responsible for taking care of that towel for an entire week. When the kids remember to hang their towel up to dry, they are the one who benefits from a clean smelling towel each day. Another great perk is when a parent sees a wet towel on the ground, the kids know exactly who the towel belongs to. No more picking up wet towels for mom and dad and our laundry pile is definitely smaller!

Do you have a helpful tip that can save parents time and energy? I would love to hear from you.

Morning Coffee

Today my 12 year old daughter handed me a story she had written that is a spoof on the book If you give a Mouse a Cookie. It is amazing how true her words are. Makes you wonder if we ever really get anything done. Thought you would enjoy a look into my crazy life. Tomorrow I will make a plan to follow through with one thought before moving onto the next!


When you give your mom her coffee she’ll want a doughnut to go with it. She’ll look in the fridge and find the fish she was thawing for dinner. She’ll take out the fish and grease a pan. While greasing the pan she spots her computer. Seeing the computer reminds her she has to e-mail a friend back about summer camp. She hurriedly puts the fish in the oven and walks over to the computer. While typing she makes a spelling error which reminds her she promised to drill her daughter on the spelling words for the spelling b. She’ll grab the spelling list knocking a bill off of the counter. Picking up the bill she realizes it’s late. She’ll run back to the computer and close down the unfinished e-mail. While finishing up the bill two of her daughters get into a fight. She will run upstairs to stop the arguing. After a long lecture her eight year old points out that something smells like it’s burning, remembering the fish she’ll rush down the stairs cursing silently. By the time she gets down stairs the fish is a smoking mess. She’ll hurry to take it outside and trips over the boots scattered by the back door. She’ll set down the pan and starts to pick up the boots. While cleaning up the boots she finds a pair of dirty socks and puts them in the laundry. She realizes she needs to do a load of laundry before dinner. When she’s done with the laundry she sees her children playing in the back yard near the flower garden. She remembers that one of her new year’s resolutions was to grow a garden. She goes out to water the flowers still thinking about New Year’s resolutions. She’ll remember another resolution she made was to get in shape. Remembering the brochure for a running club she’ll go inside forgetting about the flowers. While online she discovers a running club near her area. She’ll pile the kids into the car to check it out. While driving to the fitness center she remembers she needs more milk and cheese at the grocery store and pulls into the parking lot of the grocery store. While in the parking lot she notices they have a sale in the nursery. She’ll buy the plants and head for home. When her husband gets home dinner isn’t ready, her promise to her daughter about spelling forgotten, the bill isn’t paid, the e-mail unsent, the burnt fish is still by the back door, the shoes not picked up, the laundry not done, the flowers are wilting, she forgot about the running club, there is no milk and cheese, and she never got the doughnut to go with her coffee. When the kids go to bed she heats up the coffee forgets about it, leaves it in the microwave and heads to bed determined to get more done tomorrow. And with that promise she falls asleep with her coffee still in the microwave ready for the morning reheat!

Charlotte Mason's Students Motto

I am . . . a child of God, a gift to my parents and my country. I'm a person of great value because God made me.

I can . . . do all things through Christ who strengthens me. God has made me able to do everything required of me.

I ought . . . to do my duty to obey God, to submit to my parents, to be of service to others, and to keep myself healthy with proper food and rest so my body is ready to serve.

I will . . . resolve to keep a watch over my thoughts and choose what's right even if it's not what I want.


Yesterday a friend of mine introduced me to a great spelling program for kids called Spelling Wisdom. Each week parents combine spelling with inspirational thoughts that build character, virtues, and values. In the beginning the lesson is only one simple sentence, but as children learn more and more words, the sentence turns into a small paragraph which is learned, discussed and then dictated to a child so they can write it out in proper form. Today we started the first lesson which was Charlotte Mason's motto for her students. I loved this motto so much that I wrote it on our kitchen white board and our morning devotional was based on the principles behind her motto.

I am, I ought, I can, I will are like four steps of the ladder that St. Augustine wrote about when he said we could 'go up on the stepping stones of the old, sinful man we cast off and are dead to, and ascend to higher things.' I am means that we can know ourselves and understand what we're really like. I ought means that we have a moral judge inside us. We feel like we're subject to it. It lets us know what our duty is and compels us to do it. I can means that we know we have the ability to do what we know we're supposed to. I will means that we resolve to use the ability we know we have to do what our inner moral judge has urged us to do. Resolve is the first step in actually doing. These four thoughts make a perfect, beautiful chain . . . (You can read Charlotte Mason's exact wording on page 330 of volume 1.)

A few months back I received this great Family Mission Statement from SueAnne who is one of our amazing consultants. SueAnne lives in Washington state and has been with Accountable Kids since 2007. Accountable Kids feels so fortunate to know SueAnne and have her be apart of our team! I loved her mission statement so much that I wanted to share it with all of you. Enjoy!!

Kolby Family Mission Statement….

Our mission is to….

Love each other no matter what.
Be honest and open with each other.
Always be kind, respectful, and supportive of each other
Always resolve conflicts with one another rather than harbor anger.
Respect and accept each person’s unique personality and talents.
Wisely use our time, talents and resources to bless others.
Have fun together and worship together.
Live out our faith with courage.
Make our home a nurturing place of faith, order, Truth, love, peace, and joy.

Sharing the workload

Last week I was doing a "deep cleaning" in my front room. It had been so long since I had done more than a quick clean that cobwebs were starting to form in the corners. :) Enough was enough! It was time for one room in my home to be really clean! I decided to focus on cleaning the front room and got out the cleaning gear.

My kids had already done their basic chores and were outside playing. As I cleaned the ceiling fan, dusted the blinds, washed the windows, and cleaned the baseboards I realized that my kids didn't know how to do a deep cleaning, let alone know anyone ever did this. They do their basic chores, but I had never showed them how to go through a room from top to bottom. This was my job...right? Well it reminded me of something a mom once told me. “If you have teenagers and you are still doing housework, you have missed your promotion.” I was definitely not headed towards a promotion anytime soon! I still do the majority of work around the house...and most if it goes unnoticed and unappreciated.

I came up with an idea that we are going to start next month. I have three girls and each month we will pick three rooms to deep clean. One week a month I will have one child help me. We will focus on one room and really do a deep cleaning. This will be a teaching time and opportunity to focus on developing the skills of one child. By the end of the year I am hoping my girls will learn what it takes to keep a home clean and realize that their basic chores are not the only cleaning jobs to be done each month. This may help my kids learn "attention to detail" and develop skill that will help them when they are in their own homes.

Do you have an idea you would like to try? We would like to hear from you.

Do you have a helpful parenting tip that has worked for your family? Please share.